THE CHRONOLOGY OF A BARBER'S SHOP

CredoWriters: Wakdok, Samuel Stephen.


"You don't believe me, do you?"
"Why should I believe you? When you called this whole country; as big as it is a barber's shop."
"Then what is this country?"
"Are you an alien? Even a baby knows this country is called Nigeria."
"Called you said, but what really is this country?
It is one thing to be called; it is another thing to be."
"What are you driving at?"
"I am not driving, even if I wanted to; where is the fuel? The best is to ride in a cart. pata pata pata …
The other day, I saw a filling station been used as a reception venue."
"Tell me something..."
"In the absence of fuel and cars to be refueled business must go on.
The fuel-less station was hired out for “owambe”.
Rather than cars I saw plastic chairs arranged neatly for the guests."
"The Mc and live band must have been imported
May be the petrol attendants were the ushers."

"How long have you been patronizing the barber's shop?"
"When we were kids, it was ordinary scissors they used to cut our hair and in the absence of the small scissors, they used the tailor's big scissors."
"Are you serious?"
"That was when Buhari was fighting war against indiscipline.
We heaved a sigh of relief when Babangida came with MAMSER, the mass mobilization thing. Jerry the talking Gana advised them;if you are a barber, barb well and they came with manual clippers chuku chuku chuku... hahahahahah. It tickled our spines each time it touched the back of our necks”
“I am sure Babangida meant ‘if you are a thief, steal well.”
“IBB as a double edged sword, they introduced comb and razor to barb us and officially HIV/AIDS was launched into the Nigerian mainstream."

"Quietly, the electric clipper set in, though it was a luxury.
With the drive for everything foreign, electric clippers took over the industry and before we could spell NEPA, low shedding was introduced.
In those days, barbers kept face caps as emergency bail out. Your hair could be half cut and NEPA will just strike. When we can't wait anymore we wore the caps to escape cynical looks on the way home."
"Abacha was held captive in Aso Rock by AL-Mustapha and Frank Omenka; he was never briefed about the decaying power situation."

"The barbers went a step further to become one of the highest generator patronizing groups in Nigeria. We heaved a sigh of relief as we could now go to the barber's shop without thinking of leaving with half barbed hair and face caps that were not out ours."

"But Obasanjo made them to pay exorbitantly for fuel and barbers charged us higher for it. We didn't mind though, all we wanted was to cut our hair and look smart for the girls or for interviews and subsequently for our customers."

"Now, there are no more caps in the barber's shop and Yar'adua is on sick leave."
“Here I sit, as PHCN has struck again, this time even with high cost of fuel; the barber's generator lies empty. The barber could not see fuel anywhere to buy at any rate. The barber leaves me with my half barbed hair and murmurs to himself as if that will save the situation. I am left in a barber's shop to worry about my fate."

"Talking about passengers without a driver on the wheels of a cart; pulled by two bulls to save fuel."
"Yes, Nigeria is truly a barber’s shop. As I sit wondering to myself how long it will take this barber to get fuel, if at all he will return with fuel or if he will come back with only an empty gallon."

"This barber's shop called Nigeria, and they said no going back on deregulation? When there is no fuel except scarcity and corruption to deregulate."


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